I love my little heart warrior

Sigh. I know I haven't updated in a week and I really have no excuse as to why. To be completely honest, I've just been so unmotivated lately. Not just when it comes to blogging but with everything. I've been super sluggish and perfectly content just hanging out at home in my pajamas. The stress of not having a job is really starting to bother me. I hate not knowing, I like having a routine and feeling secure. I was really hoping that I would have found something by now. It was Olivia's heart surgery anniversary over the weekend (Friday) so I gave her a little present (Booboo Buddy). I planned on writing a separate (long and detailed) post about her anniversary but it just didn't happen so I decided that writing a little something was better than nothing. Two years ago (last Friday) I was sitting in a waiting room wondering if my daughter would survive heart surgery. It was the absolute longest day of my life, It's hard to explain (or even remember) all the thoughts and emotions I had. It was scary, putting my daughters life in someone else's hands was not something I wanted to do but it was something I had to do. I had to trust a complete stranger to save her, I felt extremely helpless. I've said this so many times but I still can't believe it all happened, it doesn't seem real.. even now. I'm so happy that it's over but knowing that she may need another surgery is always in the back of my mind and that terrifies me. Although some time has passed and it has gotten easier, I will never have the "normal" mommy mindset. I know all mothers worry but I feel like it's intensified for me, I can never "un-see" or "un-know" all of it and that's just how it is. This year her anniversary was not during the best time because my mind has been so preoccupied and of course now I feel guilty about that. Next year I plan to make it a much more happy occasion, to focus on the good because she has really come a long way in her short life. I love my little heart warrior!

Hugging her Booboo Buddy.

Olivia is two!

Today is Olivia's second birthday and I still can't believe how quickly the years are going by. We had a really fun day, I took her to Monkey Joe's in the morning and she had a blast. She was running around as fast as she could, there were a lot of kids there because of the holiday. I love bringing her there because she always takes an epic nap once we get home. She woke up from her nap a little cranky so I let her watch a few episodes of Dora and then she was happy. We had pizza for dinner and then we sang Happy Birthday and had some cake, it was freakin delicious! Olivia isn't a huge fan of cake so she didn't have much but she devoured some M&M's. She technically isn't two yet since she was born at 11:45pm. I feel like this is my day too, I gave birth to her and that was not easy! I always think about that day and when I first saw her, she was such a tiny little thing and I instantly fell in love. We were looking through her baby book yesterday, she looks so different now. I started to get choked up looking at her newborn pictures and reading about all her firsts. It's so amazing to watch her grow up but it also makes me sad, It's bittersweet. When I was putting her to bed tonight, we just laid down together and hugged for a while. She didn't want to let go of me and I loved it, I will miss these moments so much when she is older.