Ear infection, pink eye, fever..

On Monday night, Olivia was absolutely miserable. She was coughing, her nose was running, her eyes were red and her breathing was labored. I had to call out of work on Tuesday and bring her to the doctor, she has an ear infection and pink eye. She was really cranky when we got home from the doctor so I put her down for a nap, she woke up in an even worse mood. I took her temperature and it was 101.4, it's always alarming to me when she has a fever. I gave her Tylenol and it went down but a few hours later, it was up again. All she wanted to do was lay on me or sit on the couch and watch TV, I let her because she just looked so sad. She started an antibiotic on Tuesday afternoon but it took almost an entire day to help. She barely wanted to eat or drink anything and I could understand why but at the same time, the doctor said how important it was to push fluids and I was getting nervous. I didn't want her to end up back in the hospital because she was dehydrated. I had to give her some water in a syringe because she didn't want anything to do with it. I am happy to report that she is finally feeling better, she's still not 100% but her appetite is coming back and she was even playing with her toys today. Although, last night she woke up and had a coughing fit for almost an hour, I hope that doesn't happen again tonight. Ever since she started daycare, I feel like she is constantly sick and so am I. It's a bummer but we really don't have much of a choice. I had to miss two ten hour days of work, which means I will be losing a good chunk of my paycheck next week. It stresses me out a little but there is really nothing I can do, Olivia comes first and making sure she is healthy will always be my priority. During all the craziness, I was making dinner last night and dropped boiling sauce on my thumb. It hurt so bad, I wanted to cry. I ran it under cold water for twenty minutes but it was still throbbing. I put some Neosporin on it but that only helped for a few minutes. This morning when I woke up, there was a huge water blister on my thumb. It looks really gross but from what I've read online, I'm not supposed to pop it. I've been trying my best to keep in clean, tomorrow will be a challenge at work but I'm planning on putting a bandage on it. I definitely feel like things haven't been going well lately but I'm trying my best to remain calm and positive that it will all turn around soon.

She's still adorable even though she's sick and miserable.

Some serious venting

I haven't blogged in a while so I have a little catching up to do. I'll start with the bad, Thursday was seriously one of the worst days I've had in a really long time. I had an appointment about twenty minutes away and I had to bring Olivia with me. I left my house at 2pm, I didn't have to be there until 3 so I figured I would have plenty of time. About halfway there, we got stuck in a traffic jam. It wasn't just slow traffic, we were at a dead stop for a good fifteen minutes. I called and said that I would be late and they said that was fine. Another hour went by and we had barely moved. I tried taking four different detours and every single way was backed up with traffic. They called me back and told me that I would have to reschedule my appointment, I was so annoyed because I really didn't want to do that. Thursdays are my only day off so I had to reschedule a bunch of other things to fit it in, I'm so busy every Thursday for the next few months. Anyway, I turned around and started driving home and of course we hit traffic again. At this point, I started crying hysterically. I just couldn't deal with it anymore, the stress finally got to me and I just let it out. I could hear Olivia in the backseat doing her nervous laugh so I composed myself and told her that it was okay. When we got home, I went to grab her out of her seat and noticed that she threw up everywhere. This is the third time that she threw up within the span of a month. I called the doctor because I was starting to become concerned and he said that she most likely got motion sickness from the traffic. We didn't even get home till 5pm. So I basically wasted my entire afternoon driving for absolutely no reason at all. Three hours just sitting in the car, it makes me cringe even thinking about it now. Once we got home, I had to give Liv another bath (I already gave her one that morning), do her laundry and clean her car seat (not as easy task). On a good note, her therapy visit went really well. Her speech therapist said that she noticed some improvement with Olivia since she started daycare. She said that her attention span is better and that she was gesturing along more while they were singing songs. She has been doing great at daycare, she plays with the kids and even eats at the table with them. She still cries when I drop her off but most of the kids do. The teacher told me some interesting things too, she said that Olivia says a few words (that I haven't heard her say at home) while she's there, like "eat" and "ball". I wonder why she talks more at school than she does at home. I also heard that she has a little boyfriend, she kept kissing one of the boys in her class on the head. I told Paul about it and he wasn't too happy, I think it's cute though. Yesterday they had a Mother's Day brunch so I went with her and it was really sweet. The presents that she made me just melted my heart. When I had to leave, she got really upset but I knew that was going to happen. I've been sick all week, I don't know if it's just allergies kicking my butt or if I actually have a cold. Today has been spent mostly at home, we went to the store to pick up a few things and got some ice cream for dinner. For the first time ever, I ordered Olivia her own ice cream cone. She made a huge mess but she thoroughly enjoyed it. Tomorrow should be fun, we are going out to lunch with my family for Mother's Day, I just hope I feel a little better.

Totally worth the mess.

An awesome breakthrough

I'm overly excited to say that daycare went much better today than it has the past few weeks! Olivia cried when I dropped her off but I was anticipating that. She kept crying for almost an hour and then she finally stopped. When I asked the teacher how she did, I wasn't expecting a good report. Every day she tells me that Liv had an emotional day but today she said that Liv actually had a good day! Even though she cried here and there, she was mostly running around and playing with the kids. She was smiling and laughing, hearing that just melted my heart. I am so glad that she is finally coming around to the idea of being without me and having fun with the other kids. The best part is that she ate her lunch and snacks, I didn't have to worry about her being ridiculously hungry when we got home. I am really shocked that she had such a good day but I'm extremely happy about it. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I can stop stressing so much now, I hope it only gets better from here on out.

At least she's not crying!

Good news.. kinda

I'm happy to report that Olivia hasn't thrown up since Friday. The bad news is that she still cries all day at daycare and barely eats or drinks anything. I'm wondering how long she is going to be stubborn for because it's been really stressful, on both of us. Luckily today was my day off so I took her to the park and then we went for a walk. She really loves being outside (except when she's at school) and she would stay out at all day if she could. There were a lot of kids at the park today (including some annoying teenagers). When I was pushing Liv on the swing, another little girl was laughing so Olivia started fake laughing. It was really funny, she just wanted to copy the girl. She's silly, she makes me so happy no matter how bad my day is going. I know I've been neglecting this blog a bit but I've been super busy. My job is absolutely exhausting and when I'm home, I like to spend as much time as possible with Liv. I have a lot I want to post though so hopefully I will have some time this weekend.

Sucking the life out of me

I hate to be negative again but yesterday was just a horrible, terrible, stressful day. It was Olivia's first full day at daycare. I was in the other class and I could hear her crying on and off (mostly on) for nine hours, it seemed like the day would never end. I knew she wasn't hurt, she was just upset and it was very hard to listen to. That's not the worst part though, I can deal with the crying and whining. Olivia is a very stubborn and strong willed kid so I'm used to that. What worries me is that she refuses to eat and drink while she is there. She was so hungry when we got home that she ate and drank everything in sight. An hour later, she threw all of it up everywhere and she kept throwing up. It was all over me, her and the floor. So after a truly exhausting day, I had to give her a bath (Which I wasn't planning on doing) and start another load of laundry (Which I REALLY wasn't planning on doing). After I gave her a bath and got her to bed, I had to take a shower. When I got out of the shower, I realized that my towels were in the wash. At that point, I just gave up. I went to bed and it was only 8pm. Luckily Paul was home and he helped a lot. He cleaned up Liv's mess in the kitchen and finished the laundry for me. I called the doctor today wondering if maybe Olivia still had the stomach bug and she said that if she's okay the rest of the weekend then it was probably due to eating too much, too fast. My concern is that she's going to continue to refuse to eat and drink at daycare, come home and eat like crazy then throw up. I'm scared this will become a pattern and I don't think I have the energy to handle it. The doctor told me to be in touch if she doesn't start becoming accustomed to daycare soon. I still don't know if this is going to work out but I'm holding onto a little bit of hope that it will. Today wasn't much better, she barely ate anything again. She was just grazing all day, a bite here and there but no actual meals. She was super cranky in the morning and after her nap. She was in a better mood later on but then started melting down again around dinner time. She has been sucking the life out of me this past week, I'm completely drained and her bad moods have been rubbing off on me. Everyone keeps saying she just needs to get used to it but right now that is very hard to imagine.

Puke and other disturbing things

Yesterday I had to work but my mom was home to watch Livy so she didn't go to daycare, which I'm sure she was happy about. A lot of the kids were sick with a stomach bug so I was hoping that we wouldn't catch it. Olivia seemed to be in good spirits when I got home. I gave her a bath, fed her dinner and put her to bed. At around 9:30pm I heard her fussing in her crib so I yelled upstairs to Paul so he could check on her. I heard him yelling to me about something, I ran upstairs and Olivia had puked everywhere. There was so much, it was all over her sheets, stuffed animals and even in her hair. I got her out of bed and gave her another bath while Paul cleaned up the mess in her crib. I felt really bad for her so I let her come downstairs with me and watch TV while I threw her stuff in the wash. After a little while she seemed to be okay so I put her back to bed, she fell asleep pretty quickly. I was exhausted at that point so as soon as her stuff was done drying, I went to bed. At around 2am, I heard her crying again so I went in to check on her and she was gagging. I picked her up and tried to calm her down but she was really upset. I don't want to gross everyone out so I'll just say, it was coming out of both ends and it was bad. Stomach bugs are the worst, she was just miserable and there was a lot of cleaning up involved. This morning I gave her some toast and water, I am going to hold off on giving her milk until tomorrow. She didn't want to eat much at lunchtime either, she only had a few spoons of soup and half a banana. She's napping right now, I'm hoping that this bug isn't going to last more than 24 hours. I'm also stressed out because I had to miss work today, I really could use the money but Olivia comes first and it will always be that way. It seems like I can't catch a break lately. I got a call from the hospital saying that we owe $3,000 for her overnight stay in January (when she had RSV). I called twice a few months ago to make sure that if the claim was denied, we wouldn't be responsible for the payment and they assured me that we wouldn't be. The claim was resubmitted and approved so now we are responsible for the deductible. The lady I spoke to on the phone today was so rude, she kept saying things like "You didn't think you would have to pay for services rendered?!". At one point I got mad and I told her she needed to stop talking down to me because I didn't appreciate it. Whoever I spoke to before obviously didn't explain things correctly. Anyway, that put me in a bad mood. We already have seven or eight other medical bills for Liv that we are struggling with, it just seems to keep piling on. I told them to add it to my long tab and I'll pay what I can every month, that's the best I can do. It's funny that they only help you out if you make less than $50K per year but they don't take into account all the debt you have from a medically complex child. I broke down and started crying at one point, something I rarely do. Olivia saw me, she got upset and started crying too. I gave her a hug and that calmed us both down, she is such a sweetheart when she wants to be. The cherry on top was this morning when I dropped my phone on the ground and the screen cracked, seriously though, why?! I spent $50 on a stupid OtterBox and obviously it didn't help at all, that really annoys me. I understand it's my fault, I'm clumsy and I drop my phone all the time but that's exactly why I invested in a case that would help prevent my screen from breaking. That was a fail, I'm going to try Gorilla glass this time but I'm not expecting much. I have to pay $170 for a replacement phone, I have insurance but that's the deductible. I know this was just a long post of me ranting but the stress has been building up for a while now. Now I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I don't catch the stomach bug and that Olivia feels better soon.



Daycare update

It was a long week for Liv, she doesn't like daycare one bit. I only left her for a few hours every day but she cried and whined the entire time I was gone. When I would pick her up, she would hug me so tight and cling to me. Yesterday, she woke up with a cold so I kept her home. I don't know if she got sick from stress or if she just caught germs from her class. Either way, she wasn't feeling great today either. I had to do a few things so my mom stayed with her and she just kept crying for me. She is usually fine with my mom so that is a bit concerning to me. I hope it's not because of daycare, she might just be fussy because she's sick otherwise this is going to be an issue. I'm really stressed out about it, so much that I'm having a hard time finding words. I just hope this week goes better, I will be working so she's going to be in class a lot longer and I'm not going to be able to calm her down. She can't cry all day.. right?! (Sigh).

This picture is deceiving.

The teacher took this before Liv knew I left.

The right thing

I think (or at least I hope) that every mother at some point in time has wondered if they were doing the right thing for their child. I've been having a hard time with a decision and I'm starting to wonder if it's the right one. I found a job at a daycare center and Olivia will be going too but she will be in a different class. This week I've been taking her for a few hours a day so she can be eased into this huge change. She has never been left with anyone besides family and usually not for more than a few hours. We left her overnight once with my mom but that was different, she was at home and comfortable in her surroundings. Yesterday I stayed with her in class and she whined from the time we got there, to the time we left. I don't really understand why she was so sad because I never left her side but she just wanted to cling to me. Today, she fell in the parking lot on the way in, she got scraped up pretty bad and that set the tone for the rest of the day. She was playing at first and I snuck out after about fifteen minutes. She was doing okay until they changed her diaper, then she started crying. She calmed down after a while but then I heard her screaming again, the teacher brought her to me and said that she just wouldn't calm down. I was hugging her and she was crying so much that she couldn't even catch her breath. That was so heart breaking for me to see. On the other hand, I really feel like this will be great for her in the long run. She will get to socialize with other kids and learn how to behave in a school setting. The problem is that she always has trouble starting a new routine, these next few weeks are going to be rough. My biggest concern is her lack of appetite. During snack time, she sat at the table with all the kids and she did so great! She really surprised me, she ate all of her food and didn't even cry when another little girl stole some. Unfortunately at lunch time, she didn't want to sit down. She had absolutely nothing to eat and wouldn't drink anything either. It really stresses me out because I'm worried about her regressing, it took me so long to get her to where she is. If she stops eating, I will feel like all the hard work was pointless and we will be back at square one. If she loses weight, her doctors are not going to be happy either. I honestly wish that I could be a stay at home mom but that's just not possible and there is nothing wrong with that. A lot of moms are in the same boat as me. I just want to fast forward to next month and not have to deal with this heart wrenching transition. I have a few irrational fears, like she is going to be mad at me for leaving her or that she is going to eventually like her teacher better than me. I love her so much and I am going to miss being with her 24/7. I know I sound like a psycho overprotective mom right now but it's so much harder than I thought it was going to be. So what is the "right thing"? There's really no answer for that, only time will tell. Parenting is all about trial and error, not every child is the same so you have to do what works for you and your family. I'm going to see how this goes but if she is really struggling, I have no problem rethinking my decision.