Puke and other disturbing things

Yesterday I had to work but my mom was home to watch Livy so she didn't go to daycare, which I'm sure she was happy about. A lot of the kids were sick with a stomach bug so I was hoping that we wouldn't catch it. Olivia seemed to be in good spirits when I got home. I gave her a bath, fed her dinner and put her to bed. At around 9:30pm I heard her fussing in her crib so I yelled upstairs to Paul so he could check on her. I heard him yelling to me about something, I ran upstairs and Olivia had puked everywhere. There was so much, it was all over her sheets, stuffed animals and even in her hair. I got her out of bed and gave her another bath while Paul cleaned up the mess in her crib. I felt really bad for her so I let her come downstairs with me and watch TV while I threw her stuff in the wash. After a little while she seemed to be okay so I put her back to bed, she fell asleep pretty quickly. I was exhausted at that point so as soon as her stuff was done drying, I went to bed. At around 2am, I heard her crying again so I went in to check on her and she was gagging. I picked her up and tried to calm her down but she was really upset. I don't want to gross everyone out so I'll just say, it was coming out of both ends and it was bad. Stomach bugs are the worst, she was just miserable and there was a lot of cleaning up involved. This morning I gave her some toast and water, I am going to hold off on giving her milk until tomorrow. She didn't want to eat much at lunchtime either, she only had a few spoons of soup and half a banana. She's napping right now, I'm hoping that this bug isn't going to last more than 24 hours. I'm also stressed out because I had to miss work today, I really could use the money but Olivia comes first and it will always be that way. It seems like I can't catch a break lately. I got a call from the hospital saying that we owe $3,000 for her overnight stay in January (when she had RSV). I called twice a few months ago to make sure that if the claim was denied, we wouldn't be responsible for the payment and they assured me that we wouldn't be. The claim was resubmitted and approved so now we are responsible for the deductible. The lady I spoke to on the phone today was so rude, she kept saying things like "You didn't think you would have to pay for services rendered?!". At one point I got mad and I told her she needed to stop talking down to me because I didn't appreciate it. Whoever I spoke to before obviously didn't explain things correctly. Anyway, that put me in a bad mood. We already have seven or eight other medical bills for Liv that we are struggling with, it just seems to keep piling on. I told them to add it to my long tab and I'll pay what I can every month, that's the best I can do. It's funny that they only help you out if you make less than $50K per year but they don't take into account all the debt you have from a medically complex child. I broke down and started crying at one point, something I rarely do. Olivia saw me, she got upset and started crying too. I gave her a hug and that calmed us both down, she is such a sweetheart when she wants to be. The cherry on top was this morning when I dropped my phone on the ground and the screen cracked, seriously though, why?! I spent $50 on a stupid OtterBox and obviously it didn't help at all, that really annoys me. I understand it's my fault, I'm clumsy and I drop my phone all the time but that's exactly why I invested in a case that would help prevent my screen from breaking. That was a fail, I'm going to try Gorilla glass this time but I'm not expecting much. I have to pay $170 for a replacement phone, I have insurance but that's the deductible. I know this was just a long post of me ranting but the stress has been building up for a while now. Now I am just keeping my fingers crossed that I don't catch the stomach bug and that Olivia feels better soon.



Ditching the binky

I was pretty stressed out when I wrote my last post, I have a lot on my plate right now and that bad speech therapy visit just sent me over the edge. I'm feeling a little better now and I have a few job prospects so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I'm trying to wean Olivia off her binky and it's been tough. The speech therapist said that she should only be using it during naps and at bed time, she mentioned that if Liv tries to talk with it in her mouth, she will think that's the way the word is said. Olivia has been pretty cranky without it but I obviously don't want it to affect her speech, it may take a few weeks for her to get used to not having it but I know it will help her in the long run. Nap time still isn't going well, today it took her almost two hours to fall asleep. I was about to give up and get her but she finally fell asleep. I have no idea what happened to my sweet little girl but she has been a real terror this week, another reason why I've been so stressed. I am praying that it's just a phase or maybe she is rebelling because I took her binky away. I had to put her in time out twice the other day and I think it's harder for me than it is for her. She seems to understand the whole concept because when I warned her today that she would go in time out, she stopped whatever she was doing (I totally forgot what it was). Anyway, I can barely keep my eyes open right now so I'm off to bed.

Medical bills piling on

The amount of medical bills that we have for Olivia is insane, we have insurance but with very high deductibles. It also doesn't help that they keep piling on (recent ER visit, we haven't even gotten that bill yet). We are still paying off her birth, NICU and heart surgery bills from last year. I feel like we will never get out of this debt and it's been heavy on my mind. It's a lot of stress to have to go trough something so scary and then have to pay so much money for it. Anytime we've ever tried to get some kind of assistance, we are told we make "too much money" (and by too much, I mean maybe $500-$1,000 "too much" per year) but nobody takes into consideration all the expenses and medical bills we have. It's so frustrating, we're not rich enough to pay but not poor enough to get help. It's very intimidating seeing such high numbers and not having any idea where the money is going to come from. I have been seriously just trying to keep my head above water and today I feel like I've been pushed down and I'm being held under. I'm the type of person who needs to have a plan, I need to know my future is secure and I don't right now. It's scary. No matter how much or how hard I work, I am constantly just sending it off to pay bills, I don't have any extra. I'm sure many other families can relate, it's just what comes along with medical issues. For now we are just setting up payment plans for everything and taking it day by day. It's so easy for people to say "money is not important" and I don't put money before my family or health but without it, where would we live? How would we eat? It may not be the most important thing but it's obviously necessary. I am so thankful that Olivia got the help that she needed and is doing well, I would never change that. I just need to step back, take a deep breath and relax. I know these bills will be paid off eventually but that seems very far off to me.

Mommy stress and forgetfulness

Today seemed to drag on forever, I had so much stuff to do around the house. Then I went out to dinner with my parents and Liv. During dinner Olivia wanted to get out of the high chair so I gave her my wallet to play with and keep her distracted. At some point she threw it on the floor and I totally forgot about it and left it there. I had to drive all the way back to get it, I seriously wanted to cry. While I was on the phone with the restaurant, Liv was splashing around in the toilet and just as I walked in on her, she put her hand right in her mouth. The bathroom door is normally closed but one of my parents must have left it open with the lid up (also always closed). I was so grossed out and I really hope she doesn't get sick! I've been having some pretty stressful days recently and I'm just over it. I wish things could just go smoothly for once! I'm trying to focus on the positive and stay calm but certain days it proves to be impossible. Tomorrow is going to be another stressful day, I'm just ready for this week to be over. So right now I'm going to catch up on my favorite shows and stuff my face with food and wine. I know this is another vent post so I'm sorry but we all have bad days and I'm sure some of you can relate.

My not so helpful helper

Unfortunately I was right and Olivia is sick. The last few days have been really rough. I took her to the doctor yesterday and everything looked okay but she definitely has a cough/cold. It was a brutally long day, I had a headache pretty much all day and then at night she woke up every 10-15 minutes and it was pretty much impossible getting her back to sleep. She just kept waking herself up with coughing fits and her nose was running, I felt really bad for her. She finally fell asleep and stayed asleep around 4am and didn't wake up till 10. I am really out of it right now thanks to lack of sleep. When she woke up this morning she was in a terrible mood, she was just crying and whining for a good hour. I finally put on an episode of Dora and then she was okay after that. Lately it seems like she wants to do everything I do, she copies me when I'm wiping off the table or putting away her toys. Too bad after she puts them away, she takes them out again. She also has been very interested in loading and unloading the dishwasher for me. It's cute but not much of a help because when it's time to close it, she freaks out and wants me to open it again. She would play with silverware for hours if I let her. I swear she is such a little weirdo.

Spoons are fun, who needs toys?!