First day of speech therapy

Olivia had her first day of speech therapy today and it did not go well. Sigh. She just didn't want to cooperate, she was being extra cranky. We were trying to get her to play with different toys and she didn't want any part of it. She also didn't want to repeat anything that she knows how to say, she made a few animal sounds but that was it. She basically just cried and whined the entire time, it was frustrating but there was nothing I could do to help. She may have been tired, she was just generally annoyed until the therapist left. I am not feeling my best either, I guess it's just one of those days. I wanted to give a quick update and now I am off to sulk.

Major disaster

It's been a busy few days, I feel like I always say that but I guess that's just life with a toddler. On Friday, Paul & I were able to have a date night. We went out to dinner and it was so yummy, I ate way too much but it was nice to get out alone together, we rarely get to do that anymore. On Saturday we all went out to dinner with my family, it was a really fun night. I ate way too much again but I didn't even care, it was totally worth it. Olivia was excited to spend some time with her cousins, she kept hugging them over and over. I loved seeing how happy they all were to be playing together, it made my heart melt. Olivia definitely needs a sibling soon! It was funny though because at one point I looked around the table and all three of the kids were on our phones. It's nice to have something to keep them entertained at restaurants, Olivia gets antsy after a while and it's a huge help. Today we had an appointment in the morning to get Olivia's two year old pictures taken. It was a major disaster, she cried and screamed the entire time. I don't really know why she was so upset, she doesn't even cry that much at the doctors office. It might be because I had to wake her up this morning, maybe she was overtired. The photographer was very patient and I was thankful for that because it was a little embarrassing. Her eight month old pictures went much smoother, she didn't cry once. Somehow, we got a few good pictures and I ordered them so I am really excited but they wont be ready until next week. I'm glad we wont be taking professional pictures again until she's three and then once she's in school, I wont have to deal with it (good luck to them). Yeah, so that was exhausting. I finally got her to nap so I'm going to take advantage of this time and eat something (before she wakes up and starts destroying the house).

Kids these days.

No more bottle feeding

Yesterday I took Olivia outside to play in the snow for a while, it was surprisingly warm. She always has a blast in the snow, she definitely doesn't take after me in that aspect. When Paul got home from work, we went to a few stores and Olivia's favorite place (the pet store). She is always so excited to see all the animals, she was cracking up at the guinea pigs whenever they would run around really fast. She thought it was hilarious, it doesn't take much to entertain her. This morning it was snowing again, just flurries though so we were able to make it to playgroup. She was in a really good mood which I was not expecting, she didn't get much sleep last night. For some reason she woke up three times in the middle of the night and during one of those times, she stayed up for almost two hours. She is taking a much needed nap right now and I hope it's going to be a long one. Hopefully she wakes up in a good mood again! Yesterday I decided it was time to get her off the bottle, I've tried a few times over the last few months but it didn't work out. I got some suggestions from her therapist this time. Since Olivia still likes her milk warm, I made it the same way as I usually do but I also added a little bit of chocolate to it. She loved it, she drank the entire cup! Her therapist also suggested adding a little less chocolate each time and this morning I just gave her regular whole milk without any chocolate and it worked. She drank almost all of it, we are officially done with the bottle! I know, she's almost two and I should have done this a long time ago but weight gain has been the main priority. Now I just have to get her to drink it cold, although that's not really a big deal. I don't mind warming it up if that's what she likes and the important thing is that she is drinking it and from a cup. The things I get excited about now that I'm a mom are so different than the things I used to get excited about. No more bottle feeding, YESSSS!

Blizzard or nah?

It snowed, again! It started on Monday and lasted until yesterday evening. It snowed probably a foot, maybe a little more. It was actually supposed to be a historic epic crazy blizzard but that didn't really happen. I'm not complaining though, I'm not a fan of the snow. It was way too windy out to let Olivia play outside so we just stayed in, I started to get a little stir crazy by the end of it. I wasn't able to go out looking for jobs so I just applied to a few places online. I'm hoping I can go this weekend but it's supposed to snow on Friday. Seriously, the snow needs to take a seat. The last few nights Olivia has been waking up in the middle of the night, ready to party. I'm pretty much exhausted right now but I have so much to do, all the little annoying things I haven't been able to get to because of the snow. This week/end it's time to catch up and cross everything off my list!

Cranky toddler

Olivia is still sick. Actually, she threw up (a lot) on Sunday and then again yesterday. I brought her back to the doctor because she was just being super lethargic and she had me worried. She didn't have a fever, her lungs sounded fine but she did have some fluid in her right ear. The doctor said it wasn't red so there was no infection but I am going to keep a close eye on her. Today started off great, she was in a good mood and ate a ton for breakfast. I put her down for a nap at her usual nap time and she just did not want to sleep. After over an hour, I got her out and tried to give her something to eat but she just didn't want anything. She drank a ton of water and then she layed on my lap and started to fall asleep. I put her back in her crib and she finally fell asleep. After her nap, she woke up more cranky than ever and she stayed that way for most of the night. I gave her some Tylenol and it helped a little but she just didn't want to be bothered. She refused to eat and didn't drink much either, she didn't want any milk but at least I got her to drink some water. It was a long stressful day and I'm really hoping tomorrow she will feel a little better. We have both been sick for far too long and I'm just over it.

Loving her doughnut.

Longest day ever

I seriously felt like yesterday would never end. Olivia's language development therapist was supposed to come over at 9:15 so I set my alarm for 8:15. When I woke up, I saw a text from her asking if it was icy out (it was raining and freezing all night) and I told her I wasn't sure because I hadn't left the house. I also asked her if she wanted to reschedule (I was hoping she would say yes so I could go back to sleep). She said she was still coming but running a little late so I woke up Olivia (she wasn't happy about that) and fed her breakfast. Ten minutes before she was supposed to be here, I got a text from her saying we should reschedule (ugh). It's not that big of a deal but I could have gotten a little extra sleep, that would have been nice. I had a ton of stuff to do and on top of everything else, I had to unexpectedly bring Peyton to the vet. The last few days he's been throwing up all over the place and one of the times, there was a little bit of blood in it. So gross, I know but seeing that scared me. I was practically in tears thinking about Peyton passing away. He is the only cat that lets Olivia pet him and play with him. We have had him since he was a kitten and I hate to say it but he's my favorite. He's just so sweet and loveable, I would be very sad if he was gone. So I had to bring him, lugging a twenty pound cat around in a crate is not an easy task. Luckily my mom was able to watch Olivia because there was no way I could have brought her too so that was a huge help. The vet gave Peyton an injection to stop the vomiting and also some medicine for us to give him over the next ten days. She said he didn't seem like he was in any pain and the fact that he still has an appetite is a good sign. However, if he gets any worse then we have to bring him back and they will take an x-ray of his stomach. He seems to be doing okay today, fingers crossed. After the vet, I had a ton of laundry to do. Paul and my mom helped with that so I was very thankful because I forgot to mention how much pain I was in. I had to work for over eleven hours on Sunday and my body is still recovering, I've never been so sore in my life. My entire back was hurting, so bad that it was difficult to breathe. I couldn't stand for very long either, I felt dizzy so I kept having to lay down every so often. Of course when you have a toddler, you don't get any breaks. Plus, my long to do list made it even harder. Olivia also woke up not feeling great, she had a runny nose and cough. She seems a little better today but I might bring her to the doctor tomorrow if she's still sick. Yesterday I just really wanted to sleep all day and forget about everything I had to do. I'm glad I got stuff done though because I have such a busy schedule this week/weekend. I can't remember a time when I had absolutely nothing to do. I would love just one day where I could lay in bed and not have a care in the world, obviously that's not going to happen anytime soon but it would be so amazing. Today I felt much better and by some kind of miracle, Olivia slept until 11am! That means that I got almost twelve hours of sleep which I'm sure contributed to my body feeling much less sore today. Thank goodness because I have to work tonight, I'm hoping to feel back to normal by tomorrow!

I'm jealous that Peyton gets to nap all day.

Children's museum

Yesterday we took Olivia to a children's museum, I think I was more excited than she was. It was a bad idea to skip her nap because after about an hour she just wanted me to hold her and she was being really clingy. She had fun though, they had these "toddler caves" on one of the floors for 1-2 year olds. It was an under the sea theme, there were some tunnels and caves to run through, there was also a few slides. Paul put Liv on the slide and I was waiting at the bottom but she wasn't too excited about that, she was trying to grab the wall on the way down. The other floors were cool but they were for older kids. I think she was a little intimidated by the big kids because there was so many of them and they were running around and bumping into each other. Each room had a different theme, there was a room for music, cars, trains, boats, farm animals, dinosaurs and more that I can't think of right now. By the time we got home Olivia was exhausted and more than ready for a nap. I went out to lunch with my mom and we got some Christmas shopping done. I also got a ton of errands done that I've been meaning to do lately. I got in the mood to organize things and that doesn't happen often so I had to take advantage. The bad news is that today my whole entire body is sore and I have to work all afternoon/evening. Olivia has a runny nose again but I'm hoping it's just allergies and not a cold, she just got over a cold last week so if she's sick again that will be a bummer.

Liv was relentlessly trying to pop the water bubbles.

 Of course she's closing her eyes in all of the pictures that she took with me.



Too cold for the playground

It didn't end up snowing on Friday so I took Olivia to the playground. She hated the swings but I think she was just annoyed because it was so cold. Everything was wet so maybe it actually did snow and then melt, I have no idea but we only ended up staying for ten minutes. Since the playground was a bust, I ended up taking her to the library. The children's section is really cute, they have a play house, play kitchen and train set. Olivia was running around playing with everything, she really loved the play house. It was fun to finally get out of the house, she had a good time and I enjoyed seeing her play. She's been eating better too so I think she is starting to get over her cold.

 

 She's a better cook than mommy.

 

On Friday night I didn't sleep much, I only ended up getting about 3 hours. I had so many things to do yesterday but I only did half of what I wanted to do, which really bums me out. I was able to get a haircut though so I was happy about that, it's been almost a year since my last one and it was out of control. I was so exhausted by dinner time (I was falling asleep on the couch) so I went to bed way earlier than normal, I fell asleep before 9. Unfortunately, I woke up around 1am and couldn't fall back to sleep until 6am. So of course today, I'm tired again. It's a never ending cycle of bad sleep habits, I don't see that changing anytime soon. I have to work today and I'm not exactly looking forward to it, hopefully it goes by quick.



Cooped up

Things haven't gotten much better with Olivia, she still has a runny nose and cough. She's been super picky with food but she has done a little better (barely) the last few days. I actually called the doctor again because she gets me so worried. She was being lethargic all day, she just wanted to lay down and she didn't seem herself. He told me the symptoms could last another week but as long as her breathing is normal and she doesn't have a fever then she is okay. He also said that if she was still not feeling well by Tuesday then I should bring her in again so he could check her just to make sure everything is okay. I talked to him for a good fifteen minutes about her heart and my concerns. One of the holes (I can't remember which one) is now restrictive (that's a good thing) so it's not even an issue anymore. The other hole is pretty small and it would be unlikely that it could cause an issue, if it did then it would be over a period of months (not days). I felt a little better after talking to him but I haven't been in the best mood lately. I don't even really know why, maybe because Olivia has been sick. Seeing her sad makes me sad, especially today when she wasn't acting herself. I'm also still a little sick myself, it seems like this cold will never go away. It's been two weeks and yet I still feel sluggish, all I want to do is sleep to be honest. I think if I could just get two or three nights of good sleep, I would feel so much better. We've been cooped up in the house for almost a week now and it's driving me crazy, I want to get Liv out and about but I'm worried it will just prolong her being sick. I don't want to bring her around other kids and have her spreading her germs either. I was thinking that we could go to the store or library tomorrow but its supposed to snow tonight so if it does, I am definitely not leaving the house. I don't do well driving in the snow but maybe we could play outside, last year she wasn't too impressed with snow but now that she's a bit older she might actually enjoy it. Here's to hoping Liv wakes up tomorrow feeling better!

The inevitable

Yup, it happened. I passed along my germs to poor little Olivia and now she's sick. She has been having a really rough time since Wednesday. I brought her to the doctor and he said it's just a cold, luckily her lungs sound clear so that's always a relief. She has been coughing so much that she starts to gag and she threw up a few times because of it, it makes me feel so terrible for her. She has no appetite, all she has been eating is tiny bites of food here and there. I'm glad she's getting plenty of fluids though because I feel like it's helping, she had a low grade fever for one day but it didn't last too long. She hasn't been sleeping well either, which is understandable. Obviously since she hasn't been sleeping, I haven't been either. On Thursday night I only got two hours of sleep, that's a new record for me. We've just been relaxing for the most part, I was sad that we missed our last playgroup class but I couldn't bring her there sick, all the other moms might want to kill me. Plus, I don't think she would have been in very good mood anyway. I hope this cold doesn't last much longer because I miss my happy baby and I just want her to feel better.

Germs love me

I don't even understand how it's possible but I'm sick.. again! I mean seriously, I was just sick last month. I'm sure it has a lot to do with lack of sleep (around 2-3 hours a night) but this honestly just sucks. I really hope that I don't get Olivia sick, I'll feel even worse. I'm quite the baby when I'm sick but I'm trying to push through. Yesterday and today, I've been playing catch up. I had to do all the errands, laundry and dishes that I neglected during our very busy (but very fun) week. I had to work all afternoon/evening and it was a very long night, I'm exhausted now. Time to cuddle up on the couch, catch up on my shows and eat excessive amounts of leftover Halloween candy, hoping that I wake up tomorrow feeling much better.

Rainy day

When I woke up this morning it was raining like crazy. I debated taking Olivia to playgroup but she loves it so we ventured out in the rain. By the time we got inside the library, we were soaked. It was worth it though, Olivia had a blast. She was really good today, for the most part. We were both so tired when we got home, we ended up taking a four hour nap. I didn't feel great when I woke up, I think it was because I was so hungry. We met up with my friend for dinner, Olivia was really good at the restaurant up until the end when she started to get a little antsy. She ate really well today so I was happy about that. So far taking a little less acid reflux medication hasn't changed her appetite or mood. Olivia has been stealing Paul's PlayStation remote and it looks like she's playing but she really isn't, she just likes pressing the buttons. I think it's so cute when she plays pretend.

Liv loves putting blankets over her head and running around, she is so silly.

I should have gotten her a ghost costume for Halloween.

 

 She didn't want to sit in the high chair anymore, note the cranky face.

Toddler mood swings

On Tuesday, we took Olivia to the park and she loved the swings and the slide. It's funny because the last time we took her, she wanted me to take her out of the swing immediately, she hated it. This time she didn't want to leave! They also had some animals there, she wanted to pet the chickens but they weren't too happy about that. She put her hand through the cage and one of them pecked at her and got her finger, she looked at me with a very surprised look on her face. There was also a horse and he was a little bit nicer, he let her pet his head and she was so happy. Today was my cousin's engagement party, Olivia took a really short nap so when we got there she was in a terrible mood. She didn't want to eat, she didn't want me to hold her but when I put her down she was running around like a crazy person. She was picking up rocks and throwing them, yelling and crying randomly (for no reason). She's either in a great mood or a horrible one and today was not a good day. Her mood swings have been pretty bad lately. Anyway, Paul bought her a little toy shopping cart, Rooney has been sleeping in it and it's pretty hilarious. I'm only mentioning that because I have a picture of it and I didn't want to just put it in this post randomly. I guess it's still pretty random, oh well. I bought a tablet today and I was hoping it would be easier to blog with since I'm using the tap to speak feature but it's actually harder. My computer isn't going to last much longer, I've had it for a long time it's very slow. I may just have to buy an actual laptop because the tablet is so annoying to type on or maybe I could buy a keyboard for the tablet. I'm on the fence about it, I guess I'll give it a chance for a few more days and see how I feel. If anyone has some tablet tips, please let me know.

All the silliness from the last few days. 

Yelling at a goat, swinging on the swings, playing with rocks, mashed potato beard, lifting heavy boxes and a very sleep kitty.

No time to rest

So I've been sick since Thursday and it just keeps lingering, I really don't feel any better yet. When I get a cold, it usually only lasts for two days but I haven't had a chance to rest so it's taking longer for me to get better. Between working and chasing after Liv, things have been hectic. I feel so terrible that I got her sick but she seemed much better today than she was yesterday, I'm glad she got over it fast. I was worried that maybe we caught the virus (Enterovirus D68) that's been going around (I know, I'm paranoid) but we haven't had any respiratory symptoms so I'm pretty sure its just a cold. We were supposed to go to the Big E over the weekend but I wasn't feeling up to it, hopefully I'll feel better by this weekend so we can go. I'm so happy that I have tomorrow off because I need to relax, hopefully Olivia will let me (ha). On a good note, she slept awesome last night! It was the first time in almost three weeks that she actually slept through the night. I think it may have been because she wasn't feeling well and needed the sleep but I'm hoping she will keep it up!

Separation anxiety

Olivia has been having tantrums lately. Every time I try to leave for work, she clings to me and screams when I put her down. It's breaks my heart because she doesn't want me to leave and I don't want to leave her. After a few minutes she is fine but it still makes me so sad, it just breaks my heart. I want to be with her 24/7 but I know that's not possible right now. I'm happy my schedule changed and I'll be getting a little more time with her. Yesterday was the first day of play group for the fall session, I love seeing Liv playing with other kids and having fun but yesterday she was pretty clingy. She wanted to sit on my lap half the time, which is not like her. When she went off to play, she kept checking to make sure I was still there. At one point she couldn't find me and she started to panic so I called her name and when she saw me, she came running over to hug me, it was pretty darn cute. Last night me and Paul went out to dinner to celebrate our 4 year wedding anniversary (one day late). It was fun but when we got home, I started to feel sick and it kept getting worse so now I have a full blown cold which sucks. I really don't want to get Liv sick but I'm sure she'll catch it since I'll be home with her all day. I have to work tonight so that isn't going to be fun. I couldn't even sleep last night and then Olivia was up from 3am to 6am but it didn't matter because I was up anyway. I'm hoping she takes a nap today or else I'm going to feel terrible at work tonight, not looking forward to it.

Fun at the fair

I worked all weekend and it was exhausting! I finally decided to give up my Saturdays so I'll be working Mondays instead. It will be nice having a day once a week that I can spend the full day with Liv and Paul at the same time. We took Liv to a fair on Saturday morning and it was really fun but it was so hot out! I was dying and Liv was sweating so we only stayed for an hour. It was fine though because an hour was plenty of time to walk around the whole fair. Olivia loved the animals (no surprise there) and of course she called every single one a cat. Before we left, I had to get a caramel apple (my favorite!) and it was so dang good, I wish I had another one right now (fatty). Nothing has really changed with Liv's sleep regression, she's still having a tough time. She's been getting her legs stuck in between the crib slats more and more, one of her legs actually has a huge bruise from it. I really wish she would stop, I feel so bad because when it happens, she's cries a lot. I want to put the crib bumpers back on so she stops but I'm nervous that she'll climb on the bumper and fall out of the crib. I feel like getting her leg stuck is the lesser of two evils. I was hoping she would have learned her lesson after she realized it was painful but I guess not. Anyway, I have to go get ready for work.. again.

 

Breaking the bad habit

I was almost out of my rut of needing a nap every single day, I hadn't taken one in almost a week. I've only been getting around 5-6 hours of sleep at night though and today it caught up with me. While Olivia took her nap, I tried my best to stay awake, I even drank three cups of coffee but it didn't work. My eyes just didn't want to stay open so I gave in. I'm hoping tomorrow I'll be okay without one so I don't end up in that routine again. I just hate waking up from a nap and feeling even worse, it's horrible. We didn't do much today besides hang around the house, it was a lazy day. Olivia was a little cranky, the doctor mentioned she might be for the next few days because of the shot. I'm hoping that tomorrow she is back to normal since I want to take her to a new indoor playground that just opened, I'm excited to check it out. My throat has been hurting all day though, I hope I'm not getting sick! That would suck.. fingers crossed that I'm not!

 This picture has nothing to do with the post, I just love her little piggy tails!

Medical bills piling on

The amount of medical bills that we have for Olivia is insane, we have insurance but with very high deductibles. It also doesn't help that they keep piling on (recent ER visit, we haven't even gotten that bill yet). We are still paying off her birth, NICU and heart surgery bills from last year. I feel like we will never get out of this debt and it's been heavy on my mind. It's a lot of stress to have to go trough something so scary and then have to pay so much money for it. Anytime we've ever tried to get some kind of assistance, we are told we make "too much money" (and by too much, I mean maybe $500-$1,000 "too much" per year) but nobody takes into consideration all the expenses and medical bills we have. It's so frustrating, we're not rich enough to pay but not poor enough to get help. It's very intimidating seeing such high numbers and not having any idea where the money is going to come from. I have been seriously just trying to keep my head above water and today I feel like I've been pushed down and I'm being held under. I'm the type of person who needs to have a plan, I need to know my future is secure and I don't right now. It's scary. No matter how much or how hard I work, I am constantly just sending it off to pay bills, I don't have any extra. I'm sure many other families can relate, it's just what comes along with medical issues. For now we are just setting up payment plans for everything and taking it day by day. It's so easy for people to say "money is not important" and I don't put money before my family or health but without it, where would we live? How would we eat? It may not be the most important thing but it's obviously necessary. I am so thankful that Olivia got the help that she needed and is doing well, I would never change that. I just need to step back, take a deep breath and relax. I know these bills will be paid off eventually but that seems very far off to me.

The bad luck continues

Olivia has been sick since Tuesday, she caught a stomach bug and it's been rough. I feel really bad for her but it's also been exhausting for me and Paul because she's been so cranky and sad. Today she seemed better, she wasn't as cranky as she was yesterday. Oh and of course, on Friday I dropped my phone and the screen cracked shattered, pieces of glass keep falling off little by little. I knew there was no way I could afford a new one (even with insurance it's too expensive for me right now) and I was bummed about that. This is pretty sad but I actually have scotch tape all over it right now to stop the glass from falling off. I know it's just a phone but I don't have a house phone so my cell is really the only way I can contact people. My parents are being super awesome and getting me a new one, this time I'm going to invest in a sturdy case. I wish I wasn't so clumsy, I drop my phone almost every single day but I guess I've been lucky because my screen has never cracked until now. Things have been really stressful at work, I'm not going into detail about that but it has been a really draining weekend. My entire body is just sore, I never thought my feet could hurt so much and my legs feel like jello. I'm so happy to be home now, it's time to watch my guiltiest pleasure (Keeping up with the Kardashians) and eat some cookies! I'm so excited to be off the next two days and spend quality time with my little girl, I missed her like crazy this weekend!

For the first time ever, she let me put her hair in a ponytail (kind of).

Even when she is extra cranky, she always finds a way to make me laugh or smile.

Left: Pretending to talk on daddy's phone. "Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back!"

Right: I didn't notice there was a rip in her pajamas until I saw her little piggy poking out.

Mommy stress and forgetfulness

Today seemed to drag on forever, I had so much stuff to do around the house. Then I went out to dinner with my parents and Liv. During dinner Olivia wanted to get out of the high chair so I gave her my wallet to play with and keep her distracted. At some point she threw it on the floor and I totally forgot about it and left it there. I had to drive all the way back to get it, I seriously wanted to cry. While I was on the phone with the restaurant, Liv was splashing around in the toilet and just as I walked in on her, she put her hand right in her mouth. The bathroom door is normally closed but one of my parents must have left it open with the lid up (also always closed). I was so grossed out and I really hope she doesn't get sick! I've been having some pretty stressful days recently and I'm just over it. I wish things could just go smoothly for once! I'm trying to focus on the positive and stay calm but certain days it proves to be impossible. Tomorrow is going to be another stressful day, I'm just ready for this week to be over. So right now I'm going to catch up on my favorite shows and stuff my face with food and wine. I know this is another vent post so I'm sorry but we all have bad days and I'm sure some of you can relate.